Jesus brought men to life… so why do our churches bore them to death, asks Phil Campbell

Our church came down to earth with a painful thump. After years of bravely bucking the trend, the reality finally hit. In our congregation, men are now officially a minority. It only seems like yesterday when the statistics told a much more balanced story...

In the 18-27 age group is  4 per cent off centre... and easy to dismiss as “not so bad.”The 28-37 age group is 53 per cent female. The 38-47 has just under 50% men; and then the gap steadily increases, to a huge 75% women in the 78+ demographic. That’s partly accounted for by the well documented fact that women tend to outlive men by around 10 years. But maybe there are other forces at work.

In summary, last time I checked, 57 per cent of our adult congregation was female, and 43 per cent male. Mind you, by today’s standards, that’s pretty good. In his article “Why Men Hate Going to Church,” author David Murrow says less than 40 per cent of American church attenders are male, and that more than one fifth of married women attend without their husbands.  No doubt the guys are at home mowing the lawn.

Murrow offers some interesting comments on the problem. For starters, he says, it’s wrong to assume men are somehow “less religious” than women. While other faiths have no trouble inspiring male allegiance, he says Christianity has bred a culture aimed at women and older folks.
“Most churches offer a safe, nurturing community, an oasis of stability and predictability,” says Murrow.  By default, anything that’s not comfortable and safe gets vetoed by long-time members.  The problem is, that’s not what men are looking for. “Men and young adults are drawn to risk, challenge, and daring,” claims Murrow.

Further, he says, there’s a perception problem. “Many guys feel church is a “women’s thing”. Most men are introduced to Christianity by women…  nuns, or Sunday School teachers, or their mum. Boys meet a feminised Jesus – a tender, sweet man in a shining white dress. Worse, most volunteer opportunities in church involve traditionally female roles: singing, sewing, cooking, caring for kids, teaching, or planning social gatherings. “There’s nothing for a guy to do,” chides Murrow – “unless he has a passion for handing out bulletins or attending meetings.”
So what should we do about it? The problem is critical, because statistically, a lack of male participation is one of the surest predictors of church decline. “The denominations with the biggest gender gaps are also those that have been losing members and shutting churches,” says Murrow. “On the other hand, churches with robust male participation are generally growing.” So here are his seven top tips for creating a “man-friendly” church.

Principle one: Cultivate a healthy masculine spirit in your church.  From the moment he walks in, a man must sense that church is not just a ladies’ club.  Murrow is blunt. “The quilted banners, fresh flowers, and boxes of Kleenex in our sanctuaries make a statement. So do practices such as holding hands with your neighbor, “prayer and share” times, or highly emotional displays. Our goal is not to get men to cry; it’s to get them walking with Jesus, however that may look.”

Principle two: Make men feel needed and wanted. Encourage men to use their gifts, even if they don’t fit traditional models of Christian service – get them to serve the poor by working on cars or fixing up houses. Let men plan adventures and do “guy things” together.

Principle three: Present Christ’s masculine side. Pastors who present a “soft Jesus” week after week run the risk of turning men off. “Even more bewildering,” says Murrow, “are today’s praise songs – many of which feature lovey-dovey lyrics set to a romantic tune. Guys may feel unnatural singing romantic words to another man. Men want a leader, not a love object.”

Principle four: Avoid feminine terminology. Christian men tend to use terms such as precious, share, and relationship -- words you’d never hear on the lips of a typical Aussie bloke. Murrow says, “We talk a lot about the saved and the lost; men don’t want to be either. And here’s a term that puzzles a lot of guys: “a personal relationship with Jesus.” Christ’s bold, masculine command, “Follow Me!” has been turned into “Have a relationship with Me.” We’ve recast Jesus’ offer in feminine terms.”

Principle five: Preach shorter sermons. “I know pastors will hate this principle,” says Murrow, “but men say that “long, boring sermons” are the number one reason they avoid church.”

Principle six: Become students of men. Although most pastors are male, Murrow claims that few truly understand men. “Women keep the ministry machine going, so pastors focus on keeping females happy and volunteering. This must change.”

Principle seven: Create a culture of person-to-person challenge. In many churches, the pastor challenges from the pulpit, but people don’t challenge and encourage each other. Person-to-person discipleship, in small teams, is the only way to bring men to maturity in Christ.

So where to from here?  Our own congregation, at least, is going to take stock before it’s too late. We’ve had a long history of high male involvement, which has already set a positive tone for men. But – without alienating the women who make up more than half our congregation – we need to make sure we don’t unconsciously “feminise” our environment and the style of our services. I think Murrow puts his finger on a very real issue when he mentions the cringe factor that comes with singing “Jesus-is-my-boyfriend” style songs. Robust hymns and contemporary songs that focus on the cross are far better. Better yet, perhaps we should think about actually minimising the amount we expect Aussie men to sing? (And a note to the “worship team” – don’t even think about introducing “responsive dance”. My mate Dave the boilermaker just isn’t into that stuff at all.)
For our church, another key strategy will be to urge more men along to our weekly men’s bible study group, where we can encourage one another as Christian men, husbands, and fathers. That’s the place to encourage the “person-to-person challenge” Murrow is promoting. 

As an interesting side note, five times more women attend our weekly women’s bible study as men at the Men’s Group. Most of the women are desperate for their husbands to come along – but the guys are typically “too tired” after a long day at work. When we’ve solved that one, we’re going to encourage dads in our church to read the book Fatherhood by Tony Payne (Matthias Media) in the hope of refocusing their priorities.
Clearly, there’s much to be done - but at least we’re going to be open about the problem. It’s tempting to simply bury disturbing statistics. It’s easy to make excuses. But we’ve encouraged everyone at our church to keep challenging the ministry team to shape our Sunday church services and our church life in a way that’s authentically “man-friendly”. We’ve invited everyone to give feedback on what’s helpful for the sort of men they want to invite to church events.  What would have to change to make your mates feel comfortable at church? What would they find awkward, or embarrassing? When you work it out, tell your minister. This is important. And we need to change.  “Many have called men back to church,” says David Murrow… “but this is different. We’re calling the church back to men.”

Phil Campbell ministers to a mainly female congregation at Mitchelton Presbyterian Church in Queensland.  More men are always welcome.
Take a look at David Murrow’s website http://www.churchformen.com/ (you may even like to order his book on the subject from Amazon.com).

Comments (4)

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written by Richard Morison, September 01, 2008

Heheh, nicely written article Phil :-)
On a side note, I've been really encouraged by the lads at church organising the mens events in the last 3 or 4 months: paintball, bbq's, breakfasts, good on 'em, and they've been loads of fun.

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written by Mark, September 01, 2008

They're interesting stats, and certainly points worth considering. His suggestions for improving the "masculity" of church are welcome.

However I think we can go too far in accomodating our society's misconception of manhood, particularly when we look at removing music and singing from the agenda.

I am a singer and have been singing in church all my life - it is something I enjoy.

That said, I can agree with many of Dacvid Murrow's comments on music.

however:

That the normal bloke is more comfortable in expressing his passion with song, laughter and/or tears at the Saturday night footy than in church shows that we have got it wrong - but doesn't mean it should go. More so that we should get it right! (and not necessarily by serving alcohol)

There is the clear indication in the bible that while music is but one of the ways in which we live out our daily worship of following Jesus, it's still an important one. Part of the encouraging each other and teaching mentioned in Colossians is seen in its aid to memory, and connection of mind and heart that God understands too well - he invented it after all.

Sure, a love song is a bit far-fetched, but consider what King David says in many Psalms. He is passionate about who God is and what God has done for him personally and for His people. King David doesn't shy away from being fully expressive of where he is personally, good or bad. He is also quite open to declare how he responds to God in a very personal way. What do our churches do? In my limited experience , "evangelical" churches seem to favour the first two, and more "pentecostal" churches favour the latter. Perhaps a better mix is required?

Of course, we don't want to lose the "corporate" nature of our church meetings by focussing on exclusively on individual responses. One of the counters to this is to rewrite songs with a "we" focus. But in many cases it may be more valuable to sing songs together that make a personal statement - many older hymns are great examples.

As Mark Driscoll said the other night - Society should not dictate Christian culture. The bible should - we should make things accessible for outsiders, but not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Of course in saying all these things, I have little idea how to address them.

Better songs, better music, better music teams? More encouragement for people in our churches involved in music teams to aspire to performance quality, not just "good enough", and help them get there.

It's difficult in any congregation of 10-2000 to have a committed music team that can learn a managable range of theologically correct, personally emotionally responsive and authentic, corporately sensitive, easy to learn and enjoyable to sing music that provides sufficent variety of style so as not to bore, but not too much that will irritate or confuse people and caters to the average male and female congregational member of age 15-105.

Just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.

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written by andrew morrison, September 04, 2008

excellent thread. thank you for starting it Phil.
a thing about songs - guys generally like a good tune that they can sing with gusto. many (not all though) more modern songs are pitched higher than many men are comfortable singing.
I'm a tenor, and don't mind going high, but many guys dont sing high happily.
elaborate timings that tend to trip you up (matt redman's songs often have these), also make you less keen to sing with passion in case you start half a beat earlier. I know how to read music, and have sung on a worship team, but even so i find it can distract from enjoying the singing.

The point about not having an overly feminine space in the church is an excellent one, as is the presentation of an overly soft saviour.

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written by robp, October 28, 2008

i came across this website after talking to a friend last night about this subject. i wonder if anyone has any more statistics? mainly pertaining to: which groups seem to have the most men, or attract and keep the most? reason why i am asking is becz in my experience, pentecostal churches seem to gather alot of young men, and it's for the very reason you quoted above. They challenge the men to follow Christ, they are very active in outreach, it's a straight message, not mamby pamby like alot of contemporary churches. Men like raw power...and when they are challenged they will follow. I like the quote above, instead of follow me, it's now have a personal relationship with Jesus.

I've ofte said, Nowhere in the bible does it say to "Ask Jesus to come into your heart", It says to Believe upon Jesus N you'll be saved, Pick up your cross, deny yourself....etc. I remember when I joined the army, as wild as this may sound, I wanted to be a Special Forces soldier, and give my life for my country n save someone. Be a martyr. Why? I dont know. Searching for a purpose? Well, when I came to Jesus, and it was a powerful sermon on sacrifice N following Christ, and witnessing and the challenge of talking to people N reaching them, it was exciting, scary but exciting. interested in more feedback. thx.